They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
