Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
