my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
