dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
