she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
