I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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