No period for spring break; use this wisely.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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