4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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