We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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