Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
