Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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