i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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