I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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