normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
