Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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