Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
