Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
