oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
