i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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