Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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