K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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