My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
