Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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