We're facebook friends in real life
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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