You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
