3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
