I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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