Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
