Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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