The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize