PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
