Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize