Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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