just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
