Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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