$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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