i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
