He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
