Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
