my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you bring me the toilet please
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize