he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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