last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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