the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
