We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
