i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
