Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize