i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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