Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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