does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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