my vag is so smooth its legendary
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
