she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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