My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
