went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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