Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
