Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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