If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
