Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
