Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
