just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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