My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
