My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
