She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
