I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
