How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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