Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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