They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
