You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
