I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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