Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
