Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
