My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
