At least make sure they are 18
Why
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
