k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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