cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
