mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
