a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
