i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
