There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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