I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
