how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
