just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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