You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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