There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
