I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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